Jan 22, 2018
On today’s podcast I want to talk about something that you’ve probably seen on social media, especially when people are looking for engagement. And that something is… What is some of the advice you’d give the younger you?
Personally, some of the things I’d tell the younger me is “Follow you gut” and “Just because someone is older doesn’t mean they’re wiser”. Specifically, when it comes to love and relationships the one thing I would tell myself is “Fall in love with someone for who they are, not for who they will potentially become”.
At some point in your life you learn that if you’re there for other people, if you’re able to hold space for other people, that if you do good things that that is a way you get love. The problem here is that when we learn that this is the way we have to do things or that we have to be there before we can be loved, what can happen is we build in a natural buffer zone. This buffer zone is certain things that we allow to occur before we realise ‘actually this isn’t cool’.
It’s so easily done as a child. It could be that you were the oldest and felt like you had to look after your brother and sisters or you saw certain things going on with your parents and decided that you had to look after them. It comes so naturally as a child to want to do everything you can to help those around you.
What can happen as we get older is that we can end up doing the same thing unconsciously. So for instance, if your partner shows up in anger, there’s a part of you that says “Oh that’s OK”; because you recognise that your parents showed up the same way. Then you would show up a certain way and be there for them. The problem comes without the awareness and you see someone and unconsciously you’re making excuses for them, unconsciously you see their programs and how they’re showing up but you don’t have a line. You may be seeking acknowledgement in some way and as a result you put up with so much more than you would normally accept if you were really aware of what was going on unconsciously.
Now the problem is that often we’re so good at being there for other people and we’re shit at being there for ourselves. And to be quite frank, I don’t want you to waste your life. In a relationship it’s so easy to stay in a relationship with a narcissist but if you were in a horrible job, you leave and find another job. I just invite you to put yourself first. Start noticing your own boundaries, your own values and the more you can know yourself the more you can show up in a conscious relationship and know how you interact with the other person.
I would love to hear your thoughts and how you feel about this. Comment, like and ask questions about the episode on iTunes. Jump in the Facebook Group Self Awareness with Duke and interact with the amazing souls we have in there.
Can’t wait to hear from you and see you in the next episode.
Have an awesome day.